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You Should Be Mine
Dear Harriet, You are LITERALLY the only thing that I care about being mine. You’re the sweetest, funniest, loveliest thing ever and I’m so lucky to have someone as amazing as you in my life. You’re my rock and I can’t express just how much you mean to me. Dublin is the city that I […]
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Hentsch Man Apparel
As I’ve recently been allowed to dress myself after my somewhat disastrous “experimental” phase which may or may not have involved meggings (male leggings)*, the time has come for me to find some rather excellent new purveyors of menswear with which to drape their apparel across my increasingly portly frame. Well, given my inherent and […]
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Ostrich Pillow Light
I am a complete and utter twat. On that, I think we can agree. And for those who haven’t met me, feel free to take my word for it. I do, however, often find myself wishing it was easier to make people aware of my twattish nature because, after all, it’s a terrible toll on […]
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Spin Chill
In a message largely akin to Grumpy Cat’s “I had fun once….it was terrible”, I had a warm beer once and, well, let’s just say there was some unpleasantness and I was asked never to return to Nandos. So, it’s everyone’s best interests that I don’t succumb to the abomination that is warm beer again […]
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Ammo Can Poker Set
Now that my ten year ban from Las Vegas for counting cards is coming to an end, I think it’s high time that I begin to brush off my poker skills once again. I should, perhaps, point out that, if any Vegas casino managers are reading this, that I didn’t count cards in the conventional, […]
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Klecker Glow in the Dark Knife
Though you may not know this about me but, and don’t do any Facebook stalking of me seeking independent verification of this, I’m a mightily accomplished woodsman a la Bear Grylls and I am perfectly capable of surviving in the wilds for extended periods of time given my impeccable and ruthless hunting skills. I am, […]