The Art of Fixing Things Book


I think the last thing that I fixed was a football (soccer) match at the age of about 8 when I scored potentially the most spectacular own goal of all time by curling an absolute beauty into the top corner of the net from 25 yards (which is no mean feat at the age of 8). I then proceeded to cry like a baby. An 8 year baby. Which is testament to my skills as an actor as well as a match-fixer because these crocodile tears ensured that the eyes of suspicion didn’t fall upon me when, in actuality, I’d fully intended to score this Beckham-esque wonder goal as I’d come to an agreement with the playground reprobates to throw the match in exchange for unlimited supply of Gobstoppers and cutsies in the dinner queue. Totally worth it. Anyway, what I’m saying is that I peaked too early when it came to fixing things and have been utterly incapable of fixing even the simplest of things in my entire adult life. I need some form of guidance and that’s why I intend to purchase the rather awesome The Art of Fixing Things Book and learn the ways of the world. And finally make that coffee table from IKEA which has been lying on the living room floor for the last two years.

Update: Turns out it wasn’t a coffee table, it was a wardrobe.

How to Fix Things

Totally mastered the screwdriver now. Half a pint of vodka and a splash of orange juice. Delicious.

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