Razor Crazy Kart

In my 31 years on planet earth, I have caused myself many an injury through misadventure and being generally retarded. I fell off a roof retrieving a football and have lived with a bad back for the subsequent 20 years, I fell out of a tree I climbed to say hi to our cat, Spangle, and messed my arm up pretty bad – I say “fell” but Spangle scratched my face so it was more of an assisted fall – and I rode a sledge through a hedge and ripped my face to shreds in the process. All of these woeful injuries have one thing in common, however, and that is that they all transpired during my childhood.

I had an epithany (whilst drunk) the other day that I haven’t suffered sufficient adulthood injuries and I’ve decided to set the wheels in motion (quite literally) to remedy this situation by getting my mitts on one of these death trap contraptions – the Razor Crazy Kart. I think I can best describe its appearance as a sledge with rally car seats and a bucket for a steering wheel. I think we can all agree that when I pack a crate of Guinness in the boot and head for the most meandering and steepest road I can find, I should be able to do myself some serious mischief and, with a bit of luck (and skilled driving), bag myself £250 from You’ve Been Framed when I expertly crash it into a stationary cow for comedic effect.

Update: I missed the cow and have somehow ended up on the M25. If you read this message – send help.

Yep, I’m going to damage myself real bad.