Barky Record Player

Though I’ve not owned a vinyl record for knocking on 15 years now and said record was from one-hit wonder, Bart Simpson, with his timeless rendition of “Do The Bart Man”, I’m strangely drawn to this shamelessly awesome Barky Record Player and it’s potentially sufficient for me to update my vinyl collection. Being an accomplished DJ is just one of the strings to my many-stringed bow and I know what you’re thinking, how can I be an accomplished DJ if I only have a single Bart Simpson record and don’t own a record player, right? Well you, sir, are thinking too hard. Trees are famed for their musical prowess (with red woods particularly accomplished in the garage scene) so it stands to reason to make record players from tree folk. Given the speed it which I “scratch” and “mix” (are they DJ-ing terms?) my vinyl records, there is a pretty good chance I’ll set fire to my Barky Record Player but it least it will make a good show for the assembled masses and finally put paid to my Bart Simpson record.

My rudimentary grasp of geology (?) allows me to hazard a guess that this record player is from the prehistoric period as there’s a shit tonne of rings in there. Four million at least.