I have long since suspected that I have criminal tendencies ever since I lay in wait in the bushes to carjack my brother’s Go-Kart at the age of about 8. Given he is three years older than me and roughly twice my size, said carjacking didn’t go altogether too well a hasty retreat was beaten. Despite this inauspicious start to my criminal career, I’ve gone on to become a rather successful career criminal and have a rap-sheet as long as my arm. My list of misdemenours includes:

  • Cycling on the pavement without a helmet (2-for1 misdemenour)
  • Watching live football in a pub that, almost certainly, did not have the rights to show the game
  • Recording the Top 40 chart onto a cassette straight from the radio

So, as you can see, I’m bad boy to the bone. As such, it stands to reason that the newly launched and hotly anticipated Grand Theft Auto V is right up my street. I’m happy to report that my criminal nature has come to the fore on the streets of Los Santos – so far, I’ve tried to swim in an area clearly marked “No Swimming” (got eaten by a shark), shook a vending machine and parked in a disabled parking bay. The crime wave has begun.


Is he breaking into that car?! You, sir, should be ashamed.

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