RPG-7 PET Bottle Launcher

water rpg

As a keen follower of current affairs, I can’t help but notice that there appears to be a fair few conflicts globally at present so I’ve decided to add some new pieces to my, already extensive, armoury in the event that any of these conflicts spread as far afield as Welwyn Garden City. However, as I am a man-child (that drinks) with an intellect and level of maturity which is unbecoming of owning actual live weaponry, it is clear that an alternative arrangements must be made in my case. For this reason, when I called my local arms dealer, I asked him for a shipment of these devastatingly brilliant RPG-7 PET Bottle Launchers. Whilst I don’t expect this collosal weapon to stop many invading hoardes, it will probably stop anyone with a phobia of getting mildly wet in their tracks. But, as with any unhinged army general, I have a rather unprecedented ace in the hole should my homestead ever be overrun. Namely, I bought a shit-tonne of Mogwai in China Town and, as a last resort, I will blast them with my water rocket (not my penis just FYI) and turn them into a bunch of bat-shit Gremlins. That should take care of my enemies rather nicely methinks – providing that, and I don’t see any reason why they won’t be, the Gremlins take orders and are well-behaved and obedient.

Update: The Gremlins turned on me and ate all my chicken drumsticks. A dark day indeed.

water rocket

My Japanese is a bit rusty but I’m pretty sure it says that you shouldn’t try to take this on planes and that.

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