Sprayable Energy

sprayable energy

I’m a lethargic fellow, prone to extensive bouts of daytime sleeping. I seldom have enough energy to partake in activities that require even the bare minimum of physical exertion and I often take to drinking my Guinness through a straw because I can’t be arsed to pick up the pint glass. I am, essentially, the human equivalent of Garfield, insomuch as I’m a fat, lazy shit that hates Mondays, loves lasagne and drinks Guinness to excess.

There are, lamentably, occasions where energy is required in my day to day life i.e. walking to Papa Johns to pick up the pizza, ambling 20 yards over the road to the nearest pub and tackling the three flights of stairs that greet me whenever I return home (though I hope to push through my Stannah Stair Lift proposal at the next housing association meeting). Well, I think I’ve found the answer to my sloth-like nature in the form of this Sprayable Energy Tonic. I’ve not read the ingredients (I’m lazy, remember) but I assume it consists of a combo of speed, crystal meth, cocaine and Um Bongo and some other shit probably.

* I’ve perused the ingredients and it transpires that Sprayable Energy contains none of the aforementioned substances. Booooooooorrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnng. But they sell it in “Zombie Apocalypse Stockpile” packs so I’m still on board.


That tree in the background was a sapling an hour earlier.

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