Spy Gear Laser Tripwire

Although I already have a chief culprit in mind regarding the persistent theft of shit from my flat – pesky squirrels (the police don’t seem to give a shit) – I think I need some definite proof before I start going all Travis Bickle with my own particular brand of Squigilante (vigilante for squirrels in case unclear) justice.

With this in mind, I have decided to set up a Macauley Culkin, Home Alone-esque style trap in my flat to catch those squirrely bastards in the act and, it goes without saying, that I need the right tools for the job. I’m thinking that this awesome Spy Gear Laser Tripwire is just the device for this delicate undertaking. So, I put the trap in action by using the item which is most frequently stolen from my flat – nuts and trail mix – from the place it is stolen most often – the window sill – and lie in wait for the culprits.

I got bored of waiting and started drinking heavily instead. When I woke up to the sound of the alarm for the tripwire being breached, I discovered that it was my hand that had done the breaching and my mouth was full of trail mix.

Verdict – Culprit was a drunk me all along, not squirrels. Sorry, squirrels.

Pew, pew, pew. I lost many a finger in my trail mix pilfering.