Woot Bike


Even though my biking skills are famously abhorrent (if you know me I mean, not world wide) with incidents which include drunkenly crashing a rented bike into a bin bay, crashing into a tree (again whilst inebriated) on a work’s team bonding exercise (I like to think this debacle helped bond the team. I was released from the company shortly thereafter. In what, I assume, was a Mary Poppins style dismissal insomuch as my work there was done and the team were successfully bonded so there was no need for me to stick around) and various other biped mishaps. Despite these foibles, I like to have nice things and my next steed, when I’ve cobbled together the requisite funds, is likely to be this rather dashing WootBike from Holland. The Dutch know their stuff when it comes to bikes so I reckon this one may have some sort of device implemented within its stylish frame that will stop me driving it whilst drunk and making a dick of myself so consistently. Breathalyser operated pedals would be my ideal choice. There’s no denying this is a stylish vessel, so I’m hoping that I will refrain from crashing it into foliage and dumpsters on quite such a regular basis. The features listed above are somewhat of a cause for concern, however, for obvious reasons:

Wooden Handle Bars - All the better for bashing my head in.

Flip-Flop Hub - Don’t know what that is but it’s patently got disaster written all over it.

Alloy Rims - Meaning my bike will be up on bricks when I return to collect it from the train station.

Custom Designed Leather Saddle - Custom designed to crush my coccyx when I fly head long into the bus stop.

All in all – an awesome looking bike (which will remain locked in my bike shed until it gets warm enough to bike in the mornings. And stay there when it becomes too warm to bike).

Woot Bicycle

My WootBike thinks he’s a big shot ever since he landed that modelling contract. I’m the one that (doesn’t) WD40 your gears, Woot, and don’t you forget it!

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