Alien Abduction Lamp

The truth is, almost certainly, out there but I have my doubts whether the designers of this Alien Abduction Lamp have born witness to it. What they have born witness to, however, is the overseeing of a lamp which I simply have to own. I wouldn’t limit myself to cows within its tractor beam, however, that would be incredibly short-sighted and, quite frankly, a smack in the face to the designers – the possibilities are simply limitless. Providing it fits within the relatively small beam. I always thought space ships would be bigger but you can’t always be right. Fret not (I know you were fretting about it), the removable bovine abductee comes supplied with the lamp so you won’t have to frequent your local fields to find a replacement. I love lowering the tone of my flat with bits of brick-a-brac and that and I dare say this would lower my dwelling two or three tones or so. And, worryingly, perhaps acts as a beacon to real-life UFO’s i.e. literally anything in the sky which I cannot personally identify.

McDonald’s will NOT be amused, chaps. They had their eye on him.