Analog Memory Desk
They say that elephants never forget. It is a lesser known fact that desks don’t forget either. But, unlike elephants, desks don’t only remember everything, they hold a vendetta for every misdeed carried out upon their surfaces. This naturally brings our attention to this rather spiffing Analog Memory Desk by Kirsten Camara, which has a perpetual supply of paper, delivered by turning cogs, which you can use to jot down your latest inspirational idea or to showcase what a creative soul you are. Don’t, I repeat do NOT, use the Analog Memory Desk to practice and enhance your penis drawing skills because, if you’ll recall, I informed you that desks never forget and, let me tell you, having knobs drawn on them is not something that they appreciate. I went to bed one night last week, having drawn a selection of penises that I was particularly proud of (and planned to use to deface various objects the next day) but when I woke up the next morning, I discovered my Analog Memory Desk had doused itself in petrol and was holding a match to one of its table legs in protest at my penis drawing antics. Fortunately, I managed to talk the desk down from the brink and vowed to never draw another cock on it and we lived happily ever after.
Update: I drew another knob. It followed through on its threat and burnt my flat down. I now live in a tent. Totally worth it.
This is the only safe way to keep an Analog Memory Desk in my experience.